Ah, Christmas Eve…the joy, the magic, the last minute wrapping of the giant pillow-thing your daughter wanted and almost couldn’t fit in the car to bring across the border into Canada.
Ever wrap a giant, squishy pillow? I did, last year, and it took THREE WHOLE ROLLS of paper to cover the dang thing…and then getting it upstairs without ripping the paper was an exercise in foolishness. Couldn’t hug it too tight, tried to lift by friction alone, I ended up having to use an expensive amount of scotch tape trying to patch it up after. Why didn’t I just wrap it upstairs? Who knows. Not like the kids were likely to come down and catch me. Not at 2 am.
Not after doing all those dishes from our annual French dinner.
Yes, the magic of Christmas Eve.
Speaking of which, I need to go now to pre-wrap some gifts so I don’t hate myself tomorrow (writing this Wednesday). While I go do that, why don’t you take the following quiz. YES!
HOW CRUNCHY IS YOUR CHRISTMAS?
You’ll need to keep track of your letter answers on a notepad or something (1-a, 2-e, 3-b, etc.) so you can score yourself at the end (see at the bottom). Then post your score in the comments…or don’t. People don’t like to comment on this blog for some reason…worried about implicating themselves in some way I guess.
1. What kind of Christmas Tree do you put up?
a. Plastic from Store
b. Real from Store Parking Lot
c. Real from Tree Farm (award bonus point if you cut it down yourself, double-bonus if you used an axe!)
e. No Tree (we can celebrate Christmas without the corpse of a murdered tree in our living room, thank you very much).
2. What do you decorate your tree with?
a. Colored lights from China!
b. Colored lights from North Am-, I mean China!
c. Only hand-made ornaments
d. No ornaments, we like our tree au-naturel
e. …and do you know how much carbon was released into the air when all those trees were cut down and shipped?
3. What do you put into your kids’ stockings?
a. Small Plastic Toys & Candy
b. Small Wooden Toys & All-Natural Candy
c. Fair-Trade Chocolate & Fruit
d. Stick & Pocketknife (make your own gift!)
e. AND how much carbon those trees would have sequestered? But now they can’t. Because they’re DEAD.
4. How early did you start buying gifts for Christmas 2015?
a. Boxing Day 2014
b. Black Friday
c. Christmas Eve
d. Boxing Day 2015
5. What kind of meat do you serve at Christmas Dinner?
b. Free-Range Turkey
c. Free-Range Soy
6. Ahem…yes, well what are your feelings about Eggnog?
a. Store-bought & Pasteurized, please!
b. Homemade, with hand-harvested eggs
7. Let’s change the subject. What age do you tell your kids that Santa isn’t real?
b. Just before they leave for college.
c. Just before they leave for preschool.
d. We don’t lie to our kids.
e. Murde–, wait what about Santa??
You made it! Yes, yes, less serious of a quiz than our ‘How Crunchy Are You?’ one, but let’s score it anyway! First total up letters using the following values:
a = 1
b = 2
c = 3
d = 4
e = 5
Then take your total to find your score below:
(1-7) Normal Christmas – You do Christmas like THEY want you to…they being large multinational corporations.
(8-14) Crispy Christmas – Nothing to raise your mother-in-law’s eyebrows, but admit it: You’re dabbling.
(15-21) Crunchy Christmas! – You’re doing Christmas like it’s 1899!
(22-28) Crazy Christmas – Secretly unplugging your neighbor’s outdoor Christmas decorations to help stem the tide of Electronic Frequency Pollution.
(29-35) Criminal Christmas – Not getting SOME kind of tree (plastic, real, or otherwise) is considered child-neglect by the State of California. Keep a potted plant with a ribbon on it to pass random home inspections.
SHARE THE QUIZ & POST YOUR RESULTS! Use the links just below: