No. 14 – Does Cold-Eeze Really Work?

Editor’s Note – This was originally written years ago in the present tense and I decided to keep it that way at the time of posting. Despite the way it sounds below I am not currently sick.

Please do not send vitamins to my house.

The night before last I was just about to hit the sack when I remembered that I hadn’t been feeling too well. I’d been a bit off during the day, dizzy spells, half-hearted efforts at yelling at the kids to keep it down, that sort of thing.

I was clearly developing a cold…which for me always brings an impossible decision:

A) Take a Cold-Eeze from my nightstand, wake up in the morning like I’ve spent the night sucking on a 9-Volt, and spend the majority of the day unable to taste my food.


B) Don’t take a Cold-Eeze and suffer for who knows how many days and weeks, throat raw from nasal drip, head pounding, daylight making me scream, etc.

This last time, I actually paused for several seconds before deciding to take it. My mom used to force me to take it as a kid. Cherry Flavor.

(Involuntary Shudder).

Yesterday I took more after breakfast. And then again last night.  And in my mouth right this second? Nine Volts of Tropical Fruit.

Why you ask?  Because they work.

Apparently there have been a few double blind studies done on this and they indicated that if you started in on them early enough that it would reduce the length of your cold by 40% or so. I’ve found that, along with some heavy doses of vitamins C & D3, taking Cold-Eeze can actually knock down my cold almost right away. Like in the first twenty-four hours.

Now, you have to factor in that those are going to be the worst twenty-four hours of your life. Not only are you going to have a wicked cold, but all that comfort food is going to taste like wax and death. That’s a pretty tough ride.

BUT, this is the closest thing to a cure for the common cold. It basically cures, like, 60% of your cold.

Yes, it steals 60% of your soul…but then I think that deep down we all knew that when the cure for the common cold finally came, that it wouldn’t come cheap…



The low point of the diet was eating lunch one day at the mall food court.  This is perhaps one of the more un-crunchy things we do from time to time, but it’s no more than once a month, and we figure that if you eat healthy 99% of the time, one day of mall court food won’t kill you.

Plus it’s important that your gastro-tract isn’t a complete wuss on that inevitable day where you get food poisoning. A little mall-food from time to time will keep your innards toughened up.